my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
