from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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