There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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