So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Blood and glitter go together right?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
