Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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