are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Randomize
