Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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