Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
