Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
