i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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