I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
