You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
