Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
