looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Couch. On fire.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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