you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
