Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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