The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
