u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
