Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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