Come see our sink grown plant.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
