I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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