Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
