very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
