this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
