bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
