The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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