sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Can Purell be used as lube?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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