Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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