is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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