our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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