Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
