My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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