Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
