she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
