Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
