Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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