TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
