I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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