One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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