Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
