It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Randomize
