Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
