I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
