I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
