Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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