There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
