You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
