she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
