He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
