god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
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