My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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