I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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