You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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