3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
