North Korea, Best Korea!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
