perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
