Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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