I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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