Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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