i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
