just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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