I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
