Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
