Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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