Tell her she can't have a vagina
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
