What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
