Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
