My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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