and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
