If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize