I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
