Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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