When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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