I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
